going through my divorce has turned me inside out.

Going through my divorce has turned me inside out. It's  the greatest gift I have ever received. I don't regret  a moment of it. Well, I do regret some behaviors on my part but the experience, I would sign up for it all over again. It took me to rock bottom like I have never known. And as most of us have probably heard at this point: 

JK Rowling: “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

This is so ridiculously true for me. And believe me, before my marriage I thought I had already experienced rock bottom. I was sorely mistaken. 

Okay so here's the thing. I split with my wife (now "ex". Such a weird term) a year and a half ago. It has been an AMAZING year and a half. Amazing. And part of why it has been so spectacular is because it has also been rock bottom, gut wrenching, heart breaking hard. Blood sweat and tears baby. I have learned SO MUCH. Relationship. This is why we are here. Relationship with partners, friends, sibs, parents, neighbors, etc etc etc. and with ourselves. 

Anyways anyways. I have done a lot of dating during this last year and a half. This has also been amazing. I have never just dated before. Never. I always have jumped~ dove rather~ Head first into full throttle commitment. Ick. No more. I am ready to find a mate. Sure it scares me, but I am ready to put it out there. I think. Oh my. 

I have to say part of me feels QUITE ridiculous doing something like this but on the other had, I really do want to ask for what I really really want in a partner. I want to be clear about that. And I want to be clear about my intention with my partnership. 

I am going to work on this. There is a specific method Tony Robbins uses. I know. Really. But I'm going to do it and see how it feels and what comes up. Honestly speaking, I do have a mad crush on someone. TeeHee. Goddammit is it ever a vulnerable place to be when you find someone you are on ALL levels drawn to. Holy shit. Yeah. vulnerable. But fun too ; ) And yes, this is a woman we are talking about. WOMAN. Yes.